


dancing through our house with the ghost of you

by lietomelou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 15:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18013217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lietomelou/pseuds/lietomelou
Summary: Harry was fully prepared to spend the rest of his life mourning the loss of his fiance, but his friends weren't going to allow that to happen. Roughly five years after Jamie died, Niall and Liam meet Louis Tomlinson - an overzealous thirty year old wanting to start new. He's moving into his flat when the two bump into him, and drag him - quite literally - up to Harry's flat. Harry can't deny that Louis reminds him of Jamie, but he's still not ready for anything serious. Louis is a bit oblivious to Niall and Liam's plan - all he's worried about is the pretty boy with the sad eyes.





	dancing through our house with the ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> hi ! this isn't the first fic i've written, but i sure hope it's better than the one before it !
> 
> i've had this idea for forever and i'm SO glad i can finally get it out of my system !
> 
> this does contain triggering scenes of someone with a deadly illness, and even a death scene. if that triggers you, please don't read this !

One thing that Harry never expected was the possibility of living life without Jamie.  

Jamie was the love of Harry’s life, the first person he’d ever been with, the only person Harry could trust with his entire being. The night he lost Jamie was the night he’d lost a piece of himself, the night he felt his entire world crashing down around him. Jamie had been sick for awhile, but he’d constantly tell Harry that he was okay. He’d just kiss his eyelids and promise that the pain wasn’t as bad as it was before.

Harry was with him through everything. He drove him to every appointment, rubbed his back when he was getting sick, held him close on the nights it hurt to breathe, and reminded him how strong he was on the days he felt like giving up. Jamie was his whole world, and when he died, his world capsized.

They had been together since high school, Harry being a freshman and Jamie being a sophomore. The entire school knew they were together before they did because they were attached at the hip from the moment they were paired together in Biology.

Harry chuckled at the memory, shaking his head softly at the overwhelming feeling of butterflies in his stomach. Jamie could always make him blush, and he always tried. 

⚓

_ “Hazza.” _

_ Harry glanced up from his notebook, raising an eyebrow at the display in front of him and biting his lip. “What on Earth do you think you’re doing, Jamie?” He asked, giggling softly as Jamie smirked. The lad had balanced a spoon on his nose, but that’s not all. He’d also balanced his biology book on the top of his head, and placed his pencils behind his ears, his smile growing tremendously as Harry’s body wracked with giggles. Harry sighed happily and shook his head. _

_ “I’ll never understand why I love you.” _

_ Jamie froze, the spoon clanging against the table, the book falling from the top of his head and landing painfully into his lap. He winced, the pencils tapping against the floor as they fell from his ears.  _

_ Harry had put his head down, his cheeks red and his eyes welling with tears from embarrassment. He  _ can’t _ believe he just said that out loud. They’d been dating for only a few months, but neither of them had told the other they loved them yet. Harry didn’t mean to, it just  _ slipped _. _

_ He meant it, though. He’d never felt the way he feels for Jamie around anyone else, so he knew that it was love. _

_ “Hazza, baby, please look at me.” _

_ Harry made a small pathetic noise, slowly but surely lifting his head from the table. He for sure had a red mark on his forehead from the smooth wood, but he’d already lost all of his dignity with a slip of his words. _

_ He was expecting Jamie to be holding back laughter, which was totally out of character for him, but how else was Harry supposed to think with his heart in his throat. But Jamie wasn’t holding back laughter, or even looking at him with humor in his eyes. _

_ Jamie was smiling at him, his eyes soft and his smile shy. “Did you mean it, what you said?” He asked, pulling his lip between his teeth. This had to be a trick question, because if he said no, Jamie would know he was lying. But if he said yes, Jamie would be able to see his vulnerability, and Harry had never been that open with anyone in his life. _

_ Instead of verbally answering, Harry nodded his head, averting his eyes because he  _ knew _ if he looked at Jamie’s reaction, he’d cry. Harry can hear Jamie’s chair scrape against the kitchen floor, and Harry deflated. Jamie’s leaving, without even saying anything. _

_ Suddenly, Harry’s face is being held in warm hands and Jamie’s lips are on his, provoking a soft noise to leave Harry’s lips. The kiss is soft and so full of emotion that Harry can feel the tingling in his toes. When Jamie pulled away, he covered Harry’s mouth before he can even start to ramble out something. _

_ “I love you too, you dork.” _

_ Harry smiled shyly under Jamie’s hand before sticking his tongue out and licking his palm, the older squealing (to which he’d deny later, but they both knew the truth) and jumping back. Harry jumped from his seat and darted to the other side of the table, Jamie standing and grabbing the tables edges before running to the left, trying his best to catch the cackling younger. _

_ Their books lay forgotten on the table, and when Harry’s mum walked in the door to hear squealing and laughing and heavy footsteps, she just smiled and made her way up to her room, waiting until she needed to cook supper to come back down the stairs. _

_ It was much quieter, and when Anne walked into the den to see the two wrapped in each others’ arms, asleep on the sofa, she just chuckled and walked back to the kitchen. _

⚓

Harry ran a hand through his hair. It was getting a bit long, he needed to cut it. Jamie always liked his hair short. It was kind of nice when he let the memories play through his head on days he missed Jamie the most, it was almost as if he was still there.

A small sigh left his lips as he stared out the window of his flat. The neighborhood kids were playing ball hockey in the street, grabbing the goals and rushing to the side walks each time a car was in sight. Harry chuckled, shaking his head as he twisted the diamond band on his ring finger, his eyes closing for just a moment, blue eyes filled with pained tears flashing beneath his eyelids.

⚓

_ The night before had been terrible, and Jamie had sobbed for hours on the phone, insisting Harry didn’t have to come to the hospital to see him. Harry refused to stay home, obviously, which his why he’s in this situation; holding Jamie’s hand while he laid in the hospital bed. Tears were streaming down his face, but he smiled through it, Jamie’s thumb weakly tracing over Harry’s hand. “I love you to the moon,” Jamie had whispered, turning his head to the side to look at him. A small sniffle sounded through the air, and Harry wiped his eyes, nodding his head.  “I love you to the stars,” Harry had finished, resting his forehead on their hands.  _

_ “I need you to promise me something,” Jamie spoke, his voice quiet and wet, and when he glanced up, Harry realized he was crying too. “Anything, my love.” Jamie sniffled, his tears running down his face as he cried, Harry wiping his cheeks with a gentle thumb and waiting patiently for Jamie to speak. “Find someone, after me. I never want you to be alone. You’re mine, but I don’t have that much longer,” he whimpered, Harry already shaking his head. “I’m serious, Sweet. I can’t let you be alone all because of a little promise we made when we were teenagers, yeah?” He tells him, Harry’s movements stopping. _

_ Harry watched him closely, leaning forward and resting his head on Jamie’s chest, the boy’s other hand coming up out of instinct to comb his fingers through his curls. “I promise,” Harry finally whispered letting everything out and sobbing into Jamie’s chest. He kept mumbling sweet nothings into his hospital gown, the fabric a bit damp from Harry’s crying. “I promise, I love you so much, Jamie.” He sobbed, clutching his gown tightly as he cried. _

_ “I love you too, Sweet. You’re the one for me, you’re my everything,” Jamie told him quietly, his chest rising weakly as he breathed, Harry lifting his head and sniffling, wiping the tears from the both of their faces. _

_ “You don’t have to fight anymore, yeah?” Harry said, smiling sadly. He knew Jamie was scared to die, scared to leave Harry alone, just...scared in general. “It’s okay to go, I’ll be okay. I don’t want you to hurt anymore, love. Just let go,” he mumbled, Jamie bringing their hands up to his mouth and kissing them softly, nodding his head. He rested his head back on his chest just before Jamie spoke. “You’re the love of my life, sweet. I’m glad I get to die knowing that you loved me as much as I have loved you.” _

_ Jamie reached to the table beside his bed, pulling a small velvet box from the drawer and resting it on top of Harry’s hand. Harry lifted his head, seeing the box and biting his lip. He tried his hardest to contain the violent sob that wracked his body as Jamie opened the box and revealed the beautiful band, diamonds embedded into the silver all around. Beautiful calligraphy was engraved on the inside, “I’ll love you to the moon forever, Sweet,” he read, making the tears running down his cheeks double. _

_ “Will you marry me?” Jamie’s weak voice interrupted Harry’s thoughts as he looked up at him. He looked hopeful, but also sad, like he knew this was just so he could die knowing he was engaged to Harry, as vulgar a thought that was. Harry nodded, a small whine leaving his lips as he tried desperately to hold back the sob that wanted to escape.  _

_ Jamie shakily took the ring out of the box and slid it onto Harry’s finger, bringing his hand to his mouth and pressing his chapped lips to the cool metal. The dam holding Harry’s sobs back burst then, Harry nearly knocking the chair over as he jumped from his seat and wrapped his arms around Jamie as firm and soft as he could, not wanting to hurt him, but wanting him to feel how much he loved him. _

_ “I love you, I love you, I love you,” Harry chanted quietly, Jamie’s body shaking slightly with his sobs. They stayed like that for awhile, just mumbling their proclamations of love into each other’s ears, their faces wet with tears before Harry pulled back and sat back in his seat, his hands not releasing their grip.  _

_ Jamie’s eyes went cloudy, smiling small as he squeezed Harry’s hand. “I can already see the wedding, Sweet,” he whispered, Harry sniffling as he brought their hands to his mouth, resting his lips against the back of Jamie’s hand and closing his eyes. “You’ll be in white, your hair curled around your ears. You’ll be as beautiful as ever, still the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen in my life.”  _

_ Jamie talked about their wedding up until he fell asleep, to which Harry just cried. He couldn’t believe this happened to the best person he’s ever met, the person he was planning on spending the rest of his life with. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost didn’t hear the heart monitor begin to slow and sputter.  _

_ Harry snapped his head up, watching as Jamie’s chest fluttered slowly, like he was trying so hard to hold on. Harry whimpered, squeezing his hand and kissing his knuckles. “It’s okay to let go, baby.” He whispered, his voice rough as he blinked away the tears. “You can let go, let go for me. I’ll never forget you.” _

_ Harry stood and reached over towards the wall, his finger resting over the nurse call button, his eyes never leaving Jamie’s face. He couldn’t hit it yet, he was too weak. Jamie took one last breath, but didn’t exhale. The heart monitor’s elongated beep knocking Harry out of his trance.  _

_ A sob wracked his body, his eyes clenching shut as his thumb finally pressed the button into the wall and held it down. He let go after a moment, gripping his hair with his hands and sitting in his chair before looking down at Jamie. _

_ He looked peaceful, like there was no more pain constantly shooting through his entire body. He looked like he did when he slept before this shit storm illness overtook him, just a little pale and too skinny for Harry’s liking. _

_ Harry sighed then, reaching forward and taking Jamie’s hand, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. “You’re free, love.” He whispered, letting a few tears fall as he pulled away, not able to look at Jamie’s face anymore. _

_ The nurses rushed in just as Harry stood, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to Jamie’s forehead.  _

_ “I love you to the stars.” _

⚓

Harry opened his eyes, wiping at his cheeks as the memory fades. It seemed to be everyday that he thought of Jamie, but today was the first time in three years that he let himself think about that night. He didn’t keep his promise to date other people. He couldn’t, it felt wrong to give his heart to anyone else.

A soft sigh left his lips as he stood from his window seat, walking across the flat to the kitchen. He pulled the pitcher of juice from the fridge and poured himself a glass, the silence deafening. He walked to the living room, and just as he’s about to turn the telly on, Niall and Liam walk through the door. They’re bickering about something that Harry truly doesn’t care about, he really just wanted to be alone and watch stupid shows that he never paid attention to anyways.

“Haz, are you alright?”

Harry looked up, his eyes switching from Niall to Liam as the two of them watched them. Harry wanted to be sick from the amount of concern showing on their faces. He smiled, nodding his head. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just, five years is coming up, is all.” He said, shrugging his shoulders as he sat on the sofa, pulling a blanket over his legs. Liam frowned, walking towards the sofa and sitting softly next to Harry. Niall followed, but his heavy flop wasn’t near as graceful, and earned him a light-hearted jab from Liam.

“It’s okay to be sad, Harry.” Liam said, wrapping his arm around the sniffling boy’s shoulders and pulling him into his chest. Harry goes easily, wrapping his arms around his best mate’s waist and resting his cheek on his chest. “It’s just, really hard.” Harry sniffed, smiling soft when he felt Liam’s hand card through his hair. “We know, love. We loved him too,” Niall spoke, reaching over and resting his hand on Harry’s cheek. “But babe, you can’t let it ruin your life anymore. Jamie wouldn’t have wanted that,” He finished, Harry flinching.

It had been so long since he’d heard his name out loud, but he knew Niall was right. He couldn’t let Jamie’s death ruin his mood from now on. It wasn’t fair to him or anyone around him. A low sigh left his lips, and he nodded. “You’re right,” he whispered, pulling back and wiping at his cheeks.

“I shouldn’t let this control my mood, I mean; it’s been _five_ years! Should I be totally over it? No, but I shouldn’t let it consume me anymore.” He said, Liam smiling small and reaching up to ruffle his hair. “That’s our boy,” he teased, Harry rolling his eyes and pulling the blanket from his legs. He stood, turning towards his best friends on the couch and smiling. “Let’s spend the day out, yeah? It’s been far too long.”

Liam and Niall look at each other, grins on their faces as they stand. “Well,” Niall said, Harry glancing back while pulling his shoes on. “You are going to change, right?” Harry looked down, noticing he was still very much clad in his pajamas. He chuckled, kicking his shoes off and walking back to his bedroom to change. 

“Way to ruin the fun, Niall.”

⚓

They walked around the town all day, letting the warm sun pinken their noses and cheeks. Harry hadn’t seen something that reminded him of Jamie yet, nor did he get sad, so he guessed that’s progress. The ring on his finger felt warmer somehow, like Jamie was with Harry the whole day, and that seemed to keep him smiling.

Niall and Liam were a riot, as per usual. They kept Harry laughing and distracted from sad thoughts, and he honestly didn’t think he could appreciate them more than he already did. They were his rock when Jamie died, and without them, Harry didn’t think he would’ve survived.

The two were constantly at his flat during the first two years, making sure Harry had eaten and showered and cleaned and went to the grocery. They would hold him when the hurt became too much, and hold his hair back when quite a few sobbing fits became too violent and he made himself sick. Niall and Liam were the best friends he could ever ask for, he couldn’t thank them enough. 

Harry stopped walking for a moment, crouching down and looking at the assortment of wild flowers growing through the cracks in the sidewalk. He looked over them, his eyes catching specifically on one row of flowers in particular. His heart swelled with warmth, blue eyes flashing behind his eyelids when he blinked.

Liam glanced back, seeing the way Harry delicately touched the petals of the flower he was observing. The shade of the blue cornflower nearly matched the hue of Jamie’s eyes perfectly. Harry smiled, picking three of them and turning back towards his friends. He handed each of them a flower, and didn’t say a word.

What he was feeling at the moment was bittersweet. He missed Jamie, of course, but he felt relieved with the soft petals of the flower pressed against his nose. He inhaled, the sweet scent overwhelming his senses just enough for his eyes to become the slightest bit wet. He was okay, he was. This wasn’t sadness he was feeling, it was love. A blinding feeling of love that filled his entire body and made the tip of his nose tingle with it.

Liam wrapped an arm around his waist just as Harry placed the flower behind his ear, squeezing him lightly before letting go. He knew when things could be too much, and he knew when to stop Harry from letting his thoughts about Jamie consume him. 

Today was a good day, they all knew it. It would be the start of something totally new and exciting, maybe a little scary. Harry could feel in his gut that finally, everything was going to be okay. It had been so long since he felt hope, and right now, he was glad his best mates were with him to feel it too.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed !
> 
> i'm co-writing a fic with a good friend of mine, that you can find a link for at the bottom of this note ! please give it some love, we update bi-weekly on sundays!
> 
> feel free to follow my twitter (@sunshinehomo) ! 
> 
> \- lyd x
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/17647670/chapters/41615876


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